DIAGNOSTIC HEALING COUNSELINGS

By: Rabbi Yitzchak Schwartz

***I am experimenting with something here, having gathered all of my life tools from the past year and categorized them into my F-A-B system, which is Flow (lowest level), All-ing (highest level) and Beyond. ***Along with these tools, I have an ever expanding list of people I’m helping to cope and deal with their lives now, teaching, transcending and guiding them through their circumstances. ***Years ago a friend taught me that in healing people it is best not to rely on only one approach. You want to bring as many to the table as possible so that if one approach does not work well you can try others. If the first one doesn’t work, or the first four don’t work, maybe the seventh one will. You have to put all your cards on the table and do your best to help people with every possible approach to healing. ***So, I am looking at all my tools as a sort of “diagnostic chart,” and going through them to see which ones might be helpful in the universal problems I’ve identified in the people I’m working with now because their problems are somewhat universal, and common to other people. ***What I hope will come from this eventually is a systemic healing based on a diagnostic chart. Let me begin now and we’ll see what unfolds.

1. A number of the people I’m working with, in various stages of life, are LOOKING FOR THEIR SOUL MATE. But there are many things blocking them in their search, such as pressure or age or self-esteem. Looking at my diagnostic chart, I’m going to look to see what kinds of tools I would suggest for each of them in their own situations. First of all, they have to be attractive to the other person. And that means they have to fill themselves up with life, and be happy with their lot in life so that is what they bring to a relationship. They also need to fuse their weaker traits with their stronger ones, to infuse the weaker ones with the stronger ones, which will help put out a good word for them in their search. A person needs to speak their heart and not only their mind. Our hearts connect, as we know. The words that come from our heart connect with another person’s heart. It’s a good idea to give up resistance, to let go and let G-d. It’s a good idea to have a positive outlook on things in order to have a blessed eye and to see that G-d is really coming through for them at the right time and the right place. They are choosing to see the sunny side of life, the cup half full and the unfolding goodness in their lives. These are good ways to be attractive as well. I think they need to bring out their strongest, most dominant, core motivation point, the lion inside. And it’s a good idea for them to see themselves as being on a path, and when their soul mate comes into their lives it will happen when it’s supposed to happen. They need to bring the strengths and interesting aspects of their lives together, to flood the market or blitz their abilities and their positive qualities, to Paradise their lives and be in a state of All-ness. They need to be a person who is accepting, not pushing but accepting whatever is coming their way with the understanding that whatever G-d sends them is good. And they need to find the other person interesting, because everybody has advice they can learn from. They need to see the other person with a good eye, hyper-focusing on the other person’s good qualities, which will create a mutual attraction as well. A person needs to keep an eye on all three time zones – the past, the present and the future, and keep in mind that the other person has a past and have compassion for their past, knowing they are who they are because of their past, while at the same time seeing who they are right now. And they need to shine and reflect the other person, revealing who they ultimately can become. That can be a real turn-on for the other person as well. Those are a few of my thoughts, and bringing them all together and putting their best foot forward with their best features and characteristics will ensure that good things will happen. That’s the first one.

2. In that same spirit, let’s go on to another suggestion about being positive. I work with people who are PROPHETS OF DOOM in their own lives, bringing self-fulfilling prophesies into reality by being full of fear and paranoia. They seem to think that if they put too much of themselves “out there” into the wrong hands and the wrong eyes, with the wrong people that they will suffer. But really, their attitude is what’s damaging because it paralyzes them. This kind of person has to find ways to see the positive, and truly see life as it is – they are not in control, and all of the life coming to them is sent by G-d. And he is sending everything to them with the most love and compassion and care and guidance, and they need to be able to see G-d’s intimate, nurturing hand in the guise of all the different people and situations they face. In order to transform and to see the positive they can begin to understand that everything that happens to them is a gift, a spark, a part of their soul that has been lacking and is being presented to them all the time. Therefore, life is benevolent. Life is generous and good, and constantly giving us gifts, so we need to see it that way, in a positive way. Also, people are full of gifts. The people in your life have advice, everybody has something, a good point, a special point that nobody else has, as Rebbe Nachman says. That good point is there for us to learn from and to share with them as well. I need to teach them zero-struggle, radical acceptance of whatever comes their way, and the ability to see life as Perfect AS-IS, and also to see things with a Blessed Eye. Seeing the goodness in other people will automatically reflect back to them their own goodness. Being benevolent to people will reflect back to them their own benevolence. And being able to ignore the parts of life that don’t seem to be so positive, making a choice not to hyper-focus on those, and seeing a cup as half-filled as opposed to half-empty helps them to live life as an equanimous person. It’s a high goal, but it is in line with leaning to live with this idea – “Whatever Hashem sends my way, I am happy with it.” The Chabad teaching, “Think good and it will be good,” is one way to think positively. It is an antidote to self-fulfilling, prophetic doom. Instead, it provides self-fulfilling positive prophesy. Thinking positively will reflect and come back to you. In order to think positively, a person should contemplate every situation they are in and see it as good, and consider how it can become even better. It’s important to understand that every little bit helps. A person needs to understand that little, tiny, baby steps are like giant strides and leaps in personal growth. They are accomplishments that can go a long way in their life and the lives of others as well. All these ideas are helpful, and they can fill up a person’s plate with what they need to do in order to make positive things happen.

3. Another problem, a challenge I deal with is people who are SEEKING TO GET THE LOVE they did not get when they were growing up, perhaps as a result of an abusive childhood or even generations of abuse. Or, they may have simply been ignored, and not given what they really needed. These people often spend the rest of their lives either being frustrated, depressed and /or trying to get that love in some way. So, what can we do? What can we tell a person who is in need of that love? Looking over my chart here, I see that #1 is to share love. What you put out there is what you get back. Like attracts like and your love, shared with other people, is automatically going to bring love back to you. I think it’s a good idea, too, to speak your heart. The heart is a place of love and where it’s coming from as well. I think it’s important to let people know, in a non-threatening and empowering way that you want to share love with them, that you need their love and they need your love. It can be done in a way which doesn’t put people off, and in fact it can empower others so that they want to get on board with you in the same way. It’s a good idea, in getting the love you need, to know yourself. You need to know your Ratzon, who you are in this life. In the process of getting it, when one person sees another person who has clarity, who knows where they are going and is really amazed at that, that person will be someone other people find attractive. That is a person others like to be around because they don’t feel needy. The Catch-22 of getting the love you want is that when you put out the impression of being too needy you make people feel that they don’t want to give love back. But when you show yourself to be independent, and that you know what you’re looking for, what your drive and your mission is, that will draw people towards you. One of the best pieces of advice is – be humble. That means being humble with G-d, with yourself and with other people. A person who truly understands humility, who understands what they don’t know, what they don’t have, what they are in need of from other people, and who has discovered their helplessness on the inside is realistically and healthfully humble. Knowing what you don’t know is a true sign of humility, especially when you make it a part of the conversation you have with other people. That is a very, very attractive thing as well. People want to give to people who are truly humble, not humble in a false way, not false humility but true humbleness. When a person looks at humility in that way, they will invite the love of others into their life. When you relate to a person, not only in terms of sharing love, but in terms of truly listening, truly accepting the person, truly being a Malchut personality, as it’s called in Kabbalah, it means you see others as though you have nothing except what the other person can give you. Then you truly listen because you’re drinking in and filling up your vessel with that person. So, that person gets the love they need and they give it back to you as well. They will want to give you as much as possible in that way, too. There are other, advanced approaches to getting the love you want described in a book by Harville Hendrix, including an advanced certification seminar that involves a prospective couple looking into their respective childhood experiences to see what they needed from their parents and maybe did not get from them. That gives them ideas what they will need from their spouse, and encourages them to share with each other, and can be very important as well. I really think that the most important thing is to share love with other people, and that will come back to you ten-fold. If it is true love and you are a Chessed person, a person who really shares the love, I think you will ultimately get the love back.

Blessings, Yitzchak

Website: http://www.paradiseprinciple.com/

Email: yitzchakschwartz@msn.com